10 tips to fight the fear of judgement
- Evi Key
- 30 avr. 2017
- 7 min de lecture
Fear of other people’s sight, fear of the image we project…
Fear of judgement is a social scourge that hits human at a certain age and spreads until becoming an obsession in some cases…
But it’s possible to make it disappear.
The most efficient solution would be to find back our child innocence, when we didn’t know this fear yet. But it's easier said than done...
To approach that state of mind, these exercises could help you…
Tip #1 Express yourself each time something doesn't suit you
If something or someone made you uncomfortable or hurt you, saying it out loud to the person involved is an excellent way to fight your fear.
This is a confrontation and most of people avoid it because of their fear of the reaction of the person, of what he’s going to say. The fear of not being able to answer, the fear of stuttering…
Learn to fight this fear by confront it peacefully. The purpose is not to get you into trouble or disrespect anyone, just to express your insatisfaction in an adequate way (in order to hurt nobody).
Whatever the person says, you won’t be ridiculous cause you would have expressed your own feelings about a situation. Most of the time (more than we think), there is a misunderstanding and the person apologize or explains his real intentions that you hadn’t understood as they were.
Those situations usually end up with a hand-shaking and a back to zero, often on a best basis.
Otherwise, the person can take it the wrong way and try to put you down and reject the fault on you. In that case, Otherwise, the person can take it the wrong way and try to put you down and reject the fault on you. In that case, let this person hating alone. You, you’ve said what was on your heart, you have peace of mind and you’ve fought your fear. If the person in front of you is not smart enough to do the same, it’s not your fault.
The Owlie’s word : « You will never be wrong to express your feelings ».
Tip #2 : Ask questions
« All I now is that I know nothing » Socrate.
We never stop to learn. Even after a whole life of learning, we realize that, in comparison with the hugeness of human knowledge, we don’t know so much.
Asking a question means having the intelligence and the courage to acknowledge this truth. In the same time, you prove this intelligence and you fight your fear of being considered as uncultivated or simple-minded by the others.
It is probable that the question you ask concerns a fact that the majority of people knows and that you « should » know (according to society). Some people could tease you or mock you… But be encouraged that there are certainly hundreds things you know that they don’t know.
Every information requires exactly the same element to be recorded : memory. So why would some informations be more valuable than others ? Because more people know them ? It is nonsense… Personal background is as valuable as general culture.
What will make the difference is your openness and your curiosity that will make you further your culture and your knowledge.
The Owlie’s word : "Asking questions makes you more intelligent. The most cultivated people are certainly the ones that ask the most questions."
Tip #3 : Do the « sing walking » in the street
This is, without a doubt, my favorite method ! As I usually practice it, I would tell that it is one of the most efficient.
Take your cellular or mp3, headphones and go out in the street or in the subway or any public area with your favorite songs on your ears. It is better if you know the lyrics by heart because you are going to… sing it in play back !
Let the music lead you, imagine yourself as the singer. You want to snap your fingers ? Hit to the beat ? Dance ? Go ahead… Let it go !
At the beginning, you will have a strange feeling of inconfort, you’ll may feel ashamed or ridiculous (the fear of judgement in action). Try to identify, to feel where does this fear come from in your mind and free yourself.
At a certain point, suddenly, you’ll start to feel light and euphoric. This feeling will invade your mind like a warm wave. This is the sign that the fear is leaving.
The Owlie’s word : « A piece of advice : imagine yourself escaping from a prison while others who are watching you stay inside. »
Tip #4 : Dance in public areas
In the clubs, the street, the subway, the bars… Practice regularly to improve your resistance to judgement by letting you go publicly.
Don’t force yourself to do something you really don’t want to do. There has to be one element that motivates you, otherwise it won’t work.
The Owlie's word : "Nevertheless, if you are in a bad mood, this exercise is an excellent remedy".
Examples :
Radio or DJ plays a song you like
You have your headphones playing music on your ears
A musician is playing music in the street
…
The Owlie’s word : « Dancing without music is not very motivating, except if you have a song in your mind ! That means you already are at a very high level ! :) »
Tip #5 : Go out disguised
Another funny method to test your resistance to judgement !
The more you'll experiment this kind of fantasy, the faster you’ll defeat your fear. This is like sport : it requires training !
If you feel uncomfortable with this exercise, start in places or events where you won’t be the only one disguised (festivals, halloweens, thematic parties, Carnival…). Once you’re better, try it in common public areas, ideally alone.
The Owlie’s word : « Each exercise will be much more efficient if you do it alone. »
Tip #6 : Go out without make up
Being able to go out without make up is another excellent way to train yourself only if you have a real complex to show your natural face. It will teach you to overcome people’s sight but, on top of that, it will teach you to accept yourself as you are which is crucial for an Artist !
Remember, this is an exercise. Personally, I like wearing make up but sometimes I don’t have the time or I am not motivated so I can go outside naturally. This exercise is only interesting for people who have a complex with that.
The Owlie's word : "If it is not your case, you can skip this method ;)."
Tip #7 : Tell jokes
Some people have a natural gift to make everybody laughs. Unfortunately, this is not the case for everyone.
You know how it feel when you tell a joke to a group and nobody laughs ? Very embarrassing… After several failed interventions, you finally stop joking cause the silence of people is too difficult to hear.
If it’s difficult, this is still the fear of judgement that’s acting. It is not normal to feel humiliated after told or did something. You've got a joke to tell ? Tell it ! Whether funny or not. Actually, it will be funny for at least one person : you. So it worths to be told.
You’ll soon point that the more you’ll defeat your fear of judgement, the more you will make people laugh. Unconsciously, people around you feel your fear, your insecurity. All these things make people keeping away from you.
On the opposite, self-confidence and positivity On the opposite, self-confidence and positivity attract them. This phenoman is called the « Attraction Law ». To know more about this fondamental law, I warmly recommend you this article : « How to realize all your expectations ? ».
Tip #8 : Go out for a drink or in a night club...alone
You want to go out tonight but none of your friends is available ? You wanted to get dressed-up, cook up a storm on the dancefloor all night long in a trendy club ? Why would you stay at home if you had the intention to go out ?
Once again : the fear of judgement.
It’s quite rare to find someone alone in a place like a dancing bar or a nightclub… And as it is unusual, people start to judge. Take this opportunity as a training !
Get dressed-up and go out, have fun, dance, drink your favorite cocktail...
The Owlie's word : "And, why not, meet new people ?"
Tip #9 : Don’t stop an activity because someone is watching you
If you are doing something strange or uncommon (chatting with your cat or yourself, singing or dancing in your bedroom,…) you are following your instinct. You are spontaneously doing what you want to do at this moment.
And then, someone comes up and catches you with the hand in the cookie jar ! Your fear of what this person is thinking pushes you to interrupt what you are doing. But don’t let yourself trapped and carry on as if the presence of this person didn’t bother you. Be natural. Be yourself.
The Owlie’s word : « You will be much less ridiculous if you carry on than if you stop instantly. »
Tip #10 : Go on stage
Useless to explain why going on stage is also an excellent exercise to fight your fear of judgement. Cause once on the stage, everybody is watching you !
Multiply occasions to stand in the spotlight, whatever the quality of what you do, the objective is to train.
Ideas of open stages :
- Karaokes
- General open stages
- Theater lessons
- Talent Contests
- Private parties (weddings, diners…)
- …
Of course, this list is non-exhaustive. It's up to you to select the more efficient methods for you. Those ones are mines and some others I have thought about. But feel free to inspire with it or create your owns !
By the way, don't hesitate to share your own methods in the comments area in order to let the others test it themselves.
The Owlie's word : "I would be glad to experiment new methods myself :)"
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